underappreciated

So we say our goodbyes, a few less feelings to feel and hands to hold. you let me down another time, disapointed me and became just another memory. how could you play me like a game, use me and abuse me and break through my hearts walls. but this time my piece has been removed, cant play a game with missing pieces, cant pull my hearts strings no more.

years.

I've had these last few days to really be thankful for what i have. as little as i might think it is at times, what i have is something i never had so many years ago. the friends i share my heart with, the family i share my space with. i must admit, at times i wish my life would just end, as it just crumbles down wall by wall. the people that have stood by my side and kept me from falling, ill never be able to thank them enough. sarah my bestfriend, my sister, my second mum, my heart & my soul, the jelly to my peanut butter, my life support and my saviour, i owe her my entire life after what shes helped me through. she literally kept me alive and kept me fighting this on going war between myself and everything pulling me down, the times where i tried telling myself i could get through the struggles on my own, because i didnt want to drag anyone else down with me, sarah was the only one being persistant with her having both hands and her heart held open towards me. and ill do exactly the same back, ill be a shoulder to cry on for her, a diary to be spoken into, and bestfriend and a carer. anything for this girl, id take a bullet in a heartbeat. ive seen how much i took forgranted, how much good memories i let slip away. now wishing i had spent more time being thankful rather than wishing i had more. but at the end of each day, i truely do thank god for blessing me with such amazing friends. without going through these situations, i never would have found the people i have now, and thats something i am truely greatful for and always will be. and also to the friends that showed me a good time, that showed me getting drunk and forgetting about your worries, is a good thing to do every once in a while. that taking risks and chances and waking up the next morning not having a clue what you did the night before, is all about being young and loving what youve been given. yea its a lifestyle i probably shouldnt live with forever, but those nights have brought me so many amazing, fantastic friends that i love so dearly and hope they stay in my heart forever. also, ill ad in, that id do anything for any of my friends, and im pretty sure more than half of them dont realise it. ive learnt to love what i have and care about so many people, more than theyll ever realise.

real life.

ill look at this situation and treat it like a life changing choice. separating the pros from cons, ill analyse it so thoroughly, there wont be anything left to question. and ill hope this'll be the last night i have to make my choice, taking chances and breaking promises, doing what i do best.

she fell in love.

she opens her eyes, as she wakes up to a brand new day.
smiles looking out the window, at the sunshine she adores.
taking the time to see the world for what it really is.
she frowns at the sight of raindrops and people taking walks alone.
turning on the music that puts her mind at ease, taking a deep breath, knowing today is another day contained by frowns falling like the autumn leaves.
she takes the time to pick out an outfit, that shows who she is.
filled with disgust as she faces her figure in the mirror, as shapely as can be, picking out her flaws and she falls to her knees.
cries out to the man above, the only man that ever loved, a girl so broken who shows failure in all directions.
yet he still holds her heart close, not for a second will he let it go.
just constantly reasurring her he will always love her so.

heart melts.

I lay here alone, wishing you were beside me. I can't help but feel so content and my heart skips a beat everytime I say your name. I wasted so many months trying to find something I could've found in you. I held myself back from you thinking id just get played with like I always seem to be. as tears begin to fall, I see myself wishing I gave you the chance, not someone else that broke my heart in two. your voice makes me smile more than I've smiled in a long time, your touch makes sends shivers up my spine like that first winter chill. but its only the satisfaction of you saying you want me, that makes me come crawling back.. i want to believe that this is all something more than an infatuation or lust on your half. help me pick up the pieces and build something called love..