Wide Awake.

Your arms wrapped around me for the first time in weeks, and my words come with struggle as my eyes begin to weap.
Can't stand this feeling, so unsure, so frustrated as i put it in words.
Deep inside you know im dying, but youll never see how on the outside im just lying.
I wont forget you, but maybe we both need this time.
Separate me from you, see m strengths are far from true.
Dont hold me close for a while, keep your distance intact.
I swear this wont hurt, dont worry, in the end, ill be the one to lose.
I'll protect you and keep you safe from my mistakes, from my troubles and your worries.
i wont again, keep you wide awake.

You gave me few too many chances to explain the way i feel, all that came out was, none of this feels real.
Everytime our lips touched, my heart fell six feet under.
You were grasping my heart, and my chest was holding on by the last thread.
i pulled myself away, to save you the feeling of regret.
Because baby, id be the first person youd want to see, but the last person keeping you awake in bed.

All this still doesnt express the way my heart screams out, maybe my minds holding me back this time. Thinking logically, this was all just a mistake, all mine.

With this last goodbye, i'll leave you with those few words i always failed to hold back.
i love you, i do and i promised you wouldnt lose.

Unselfish

As her eyes roll back and look into the mind she once controlled,
Thoughts of regret and stories untold.
Every unsatisfying moment, turned her heart to steel.
Every lie she was told, made her world feel so un real.
Suffering others consequences, her thoughts black and blue.
A rescuer her whole life, yet that meant nothing to you.
Hiding her insides, never asking for help.
Fake smiles and covering up everyday frowns.
Only by showing weakness will she ever drown.

Leaving personal problems on the front step.
Taking chances, risks and bets.
No-one can save her now,
No-one will ever know how.
Yeah, she’s so ordinary.
Not one to stand out from the crowd.
Keeps her voice quiet, yet her heart is screaming out loud.

Watching the days roll on by,
Keeping a strong posture, but still longing to hide.
A black hole in her heart, that needed to be filled with light.
Hoping she’d find the answer, as if tonight’s her last night.

Temptation becomes regret.

You can linger at the corner shop, telling stories about what you got.
Taking hands walking across the street, watching traffic at the lights they meet.
Getting home you walk through the front door, straight to your room where she lay on the floor.
Tears flooding from her eyes, this is no surprise.
Blood shed everywhere and all you do is stare
You push and pull her
Being her further down
Hoping soon you'll hold her under and she'll drown.
Throwing words that tear her heart in two, shes now wishing there was nothing left of you.
Blades moving deeper into her skin, knowing nothing can help her win.
This battle has only just begun, shes running from problems that she should've overcome.
Downing the last bottle, shes ready to fall.
Ready to fail, ready to lose it all.
Taking chances never felt so right, all these scars making tonight her last night.
As she fights her heartbeat
She knows this is the end
No turning back, blades and bottles are her new bestfriends.
Gasping as her heart beats once more, falling faster, faster towards the floor.
This lifeless body, laying in a pool of blood
Fought all her battles, but without the man from up above.

repetition

having another one of those days.
where the tears keep rolling
and the days stand still
nights seem neverending
and my hearts forever breaking.
my words dont make sense,
oh sweetheart we're stuck in the past tense.
reminiscing on unforgiven mistakes.
and taking risks we shouldnt make.

all mine, we'll be one in time.

take your time, you know ill always be here through it all.
dont waste your life, its worth more than you know.
and this'll be all about you and me, ill never let you fall.

the tears we both cried, because you were waiting.
held back, i wish i could rewind time.
all i ever wanted, was you to be mine.
but i pushed and i pulled, made things harder for you.
made a mistake, i admit.
now ive lost my chance, oh the things i would do get it back.

i dont want to see you cry, not even see a single tear fall from those eyes.
i want to live inside, this heart of yours, and you to live in mine.
be hand in hand, no-one else around.
just you and me, eternally we'll be.
come back to me, back to me, to me.

One Way Street.

Tell me, do you get the goosebumps everytime our cheeks brush.
Red rosey cheeks everytime our lips touch.
Tingles down your spine when those words sound perfect everytime.
a sigh of relief when i say you're all mine?


Does the fact that your stuck with two paths to chose,
leave you feeling like youve got something to lose?


I'll hold you close, never give you a chance to let go.
I'd give you it all, never let you fall.
Whisper in your ear, how much i love you so.


Im a one way street baby, once you have me theres no turning back.
Lets just drive straight forward on this journey together.
I'll forget about the world, and just focus on my perfect girl.

rollercoasters.

ups and downs, the world spins round and round.
lifes an effort, but in the end its worth it.
take your risks and watch your chances.
believe in the unbelievable and chase the unchasable.
keep your loved ones close, but keep your enemies closer.
told to leave the past behind, but told not to run away.
each and everyday, is a different pill we choose to take.
all the risks involved, we all feel like a mistake.

unforgotten, unforgiven.

tears roll down my cheek, memories flash like a movie through my head. the thoughts i think are ripping apart my mind, sending me on roller coaster rides. this is why youre not as close as you'd like to be. you back off the second i try and tell you my life story. no comfort, no words. just shocked eyes and hearts that hurt.

uninspired

tell me something nobody knows, a secret untold, and both your hands to hold. im feeling uninspired, with no story to tell. so we'll sit in silence listening to each heartbeat and ill sit here and stare at the watch on my wrist. waiting for that day, to have my last dying wish.

underappreciated

So we say our goodbyes, a few less feelings to feel and hands to hold. you let me down another time, disapointed me and became just another memory. how could you play me like a game, use me and abuse me and break through my hearts walls. but this time my piece has been removed, cant play a game with missing pieces, cant pull my hearts strings no more.

years.

I've had these last few days to really be thankful for what i have. as little as i might think it is at times, what i have is something i never had so many years ago. the friends i share my heart with, the family i share my space with. i must admit, at times i wish my life would just end, as it just crumbles down wall by wall. the people that have stood by my side and kept me from falling, ill never be able to thank them enough. sarah my bestfriend, my sister, my second mum, my heart & my soul, the jelly to my peanut butter, my life support and my saviour, i owe her my entire life after what shes helped me through. she literally kept me alive and kept me fighting this on going war between myself and everything pulling me down, the times where i tried telling myself i could get through the struggles on my own, because i didnt want to drag anyone else down with me, sarah was the only one being persistant with her having both hands and her heart held open towards me. and ill do exactly the same back, ill be a shoulder to cry on for her, a diary to be spoken into, and bestfriend and a carer. anything for this girl, id take a bullet in a heartbeat. ive seen how much i took forgranted, how much good memories i let slip away. now wishing i had spent more time being thankful rather than wishing i had more. but at the end of each day, i truely do thank god for blessing me with such amazing friends. without going through these situations, i never would have found the people i have now, and thats something i am truely greatful for and always will be. and also to the friends that showed me a good time, that showed me getting drunk and forgetting about your worries, is a good thing to do every once in a while. that taking risks and chances and waking up the next morning not having a clue what you did the night before, is all about being young and loving what youve been given. yea its a lifestyle i probably shouldnt live with forever, but those nights have brought me so many amazing, fantastic friends that i love so dearly and hope they stay in my heart forever. also, ill ad in, that id do anything for any of my friends, and im pretty sure more than half of them dont realise it. ive learnt to love what i have and care about so many people, more than theyll ever realise.

real life.

ill look at this situation and treat it like a life changing choice. separating the pros from cons, ill analyse it so thoroughly, there wont be anything left to question. and ill hope this'll be the last night i have to make my choice, taking chances and breaking promises, doing what i do best.

she fell in love.

she opens her eyes, as she wakes up to a brand new day.
smiles looking out the window, at the sunshine she adores.
taking the time to see the world for what it really is.
she frowns at the sight of raindrops and people taking walks alone.
turning on the music that puts her mind at ease, taking a deep breath, knowing today is another day contained by frowns falling like the autumn leaves.
she takes the time to pick out an outfit, that shows who she is.
filled with disgust as she faces her figure in the mirror, as shapely as can be, picking out her flaws and she falls to her knees.
cries out to the man above, the only man that ever loved, a girl so broken who shows failure in all directions.
yet he still holds her heart close, not for a second will he let it go.
just constantly reasurring her he will always love her so.

heart melts.

I lay here alone, wishing you were beside me. I can't help but feel so content and my heart skips a beat everytime I say your name. I wasted so many months trying to find something I could've found in you. I held myself back from you thinking id just get played with like I always seem to be. as tears begin to fall, I see myself wishing I gave you the chance, not someone else that broke my heart in two. your voice makes me smile more than I've smiled in a long time, your touch makes sends shivers up my spine like that first winter chill. but its only the satisfaction of you saying you want me, that makes me come crawling back.. i want to believe that this is all something more than an infatuation or lust on your half. help me pick up the pieces and build something called love..

now that im losing hope and theres nothing else to show.

and i don't want to feel this way anymore. im tired of being pulled through your story and being ignored through mine. i want this to be more than the satisfaction of having someone to hold, but the every word you speak of. your gestures make my stomach wonder into a place its been so long ago. where everyone hopes to be someday. i got this chance a few too many times, but was let down by lies and unfortunate events. you make my head spin and take different directions in life, i hide the way i feel, hoping you'll want to discover it and take a chance too. ill put my heart at risk one last time, pushing it further than ive ever had to before. being torn and teared apart, i never believed it'd actually be worth it. always having some sort of doubt and insecurity held me back from jumping to conclusions. maybe this time will be third time lucky, im crazy for going after you, but you stand out, and i mean REALLY stand out. im a mess, pick up my pieces and show me you aren't like all the rest.

incomplete.

Lets reminisce on the past, put it behind us and start something new.
hold onto fairytales and everything between me and you.

Im trying to hold this in, this feeling we call love.
The tears running from my eyes, i called to stop from above.
Im feeling so lost in this place, running from my mistakes.
Taking each day as my last, im keeping you by my side to make sure these feelings dont disappear too fast.

We both know what this will come to.
Ive become something a little less than number one.
In this cruel world of love and trust, comes the worst, hate and lust.

I cant tell a story, without being broken in two.
The parts i saved, will be the memories which i made.
Hold me close, dont let me go.
I need your strength to pull me through, i need your body to stay.
Oh, i hope this lasts, youll be the one i wont push away.

My past struggles have held me back, from telling you what i most regret.
Both our hearts stay closed to avoid the risk of death.

Candles

Ever been in a situation where it just feels way too good to be true, where the whole world seems to be going through so much shit and only you and your close surroundings get the chance to be happy.

Its like karma is taking its turn inside you, like you were put through so much crap in the past year or so, and youre so used to expecting something worse to happen, but this one little thing just comes out of nowhere and lights up your whole life like its never been lit up before. When you thought your life couldnt get any worse, when everything was crashing and burning inside and all around you, when the people you loved could do a thing to cheer you up. But then these few people walk straight into your life and everything just changes. Everyone you love becomes someone you never want to lose and every tiny moment becomes a moment you never want to forget. The things from the past seem to fade away more and more each day, and the mistakes you made before now just seem to be forgotten memories, no more regrets, no more wishing you could turn back time. Just the present and the future are all that matters, and the few people that brought you to feel this way, to be so happy that you cant believe it, to be so over the moon that you are just hanging to see something fall all over again. But hey, in the end itll have all been worth it. and those few people that brought these feelings into your life, will always be the greatest most fabulous memory and thought you keep with you every single second of every minute of everyday of the week forever.

to be continued...

my thoughts are put on hold, my words dont seem to speak.
without you my bodys frail and my hearts so damn weak.

resting bed.

We all stand alone, urging for someone to hold us.
we fail to reach those that reach to us.

yet we reach out to those that fail us.

this worlds a cruel place, full of lies and deceit.

i smile at you, you smiled back.

i hold my hand out to you, and you hold yours out back.

i tell you i love you, but you stand and sigh.

its the one thing, all boys find hard to say.

no real emotion, not today, not any other day.

we continue this great journey, only to end up where we dread.

six feet under, with our uligy read, and resting our head.

I'll never win this game.

Stay with me.
Hold me and embrace me in the arms of a child.
Listen to my cries as i clench my insides.
Im on the verge of breaking, fists clenched tightly.
Heart beat racing and my body is shaking.

I swallow those thoughts that once led my life.
As silence provokes me, my heart fights the urge to cry.
Sell me your strength, i need it to keep alive.

Im waiting for your call, to let me in.
Writing the same old story, with a different twist.
Our lives are open to disease and failure in one wish.
Now my heart runs away, with no strength to fight.
But the cries i let out, will surely drown me alive.

Two days, three nights.

They go about this in an old fashioned way.
Saying they had their reasons,using time to ignore each others names.

Watching from the outside, I see a storm about to rise.

Straight pale faces, hearts turned into fists.
Forgetting the past smiles, now facing crookered lips.

We remember what it used to be, and what's now.

Comparing the two makes wishes seem true.

Im sick of this fighting, the screaming in my insides.

The days we shared together, means more to me then it does to you.

Ill turn the fuck around, make my grey skies turn to blue.

and when im laying there, im hoping you'll feel half of what I felt for you.

Believe.

hearts have a way of speaking.

my heart is in my hands, my hands hold my heart.

i think about you with my heart, but my heart can not see.

i listen to your cries, as your eyes overflow.

as your heart races, mine seems one beat too slow.

i see our future, our futures so near.

lets believe in love.